For what seems like forever, the “experts” at the Worldwide Leader have been clinging to this “Where will LeBron go?” scenario. They have the LeBron Tracker and he even has his own slot devoted to him on the Bottom Line. I’m all for indepth coverage but this has just become mindnumbing. Not to mention the fact that I am a Cleveland fan and ESPN wants nothing more than to put LeBron in Chicago, Miami or New York. With the July 1st date approaching rapidly, I am shutting it down. I can’t take it anymore. If he goes, he goes. I am used to heartbreak, I’m from Northeast Ohio. If he stays, saaaa-weeet. Until we know for sure though, I am done listening to all the bullshit. So, since I will have extra time on my hands, this is a list of the top 50 things I would enjoy more than listening to or reading about anymore of the free agency class…
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Have fastballs hurled at my chest by Doc Halladay
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Be kicked, repeatedly, in the ball bag by Landon Donovan
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Get titty twisters with pliers
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Listen to Lady Gaga
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Look at Lady Gaga
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Punch babies
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Yell at old people
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Eat mustard
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Have a conversation with Stephen A. Smif
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Watch a Michigan football game
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Cheer for Luis Valbuena
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Have acid dripped on my skin
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Take advice from Skip Bayless
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Swallow push pins
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Key my own car
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Root for the Yankees
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Go to the dentist
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Sit in the middle seat of my next flight
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Watch Nancy Grace
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Get a colonoscopy
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Give myself paper cuts
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Eat Subway with Jared
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Listen to Paris Hilton’s thoughts on the economy
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Have to drive behind a school bus everywhere I went for a year
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Make out with Monica Abbott
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Wear a skirt
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Wear Ugg Boots
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Invest in BP
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Have to go to the DMV everyday
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Not have DVR anymore
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Get punched every morning as soon as I wake up
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Get hit by a car
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High five Rich Rodriguez
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Cut off both of my pinkies
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Have bricks thrown at me
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Go shopping with a girl
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Hang out with Joren Van Der Sloot
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Get a tattoo on my face
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Never be allowed to pass anyone on the highway ever again
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Take penicillin…I’m allergic to penicillin
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Quit chewing
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Look at the gap in Michael Strahan’s teeth
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Swim in the Gulf
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Pay more to see a movie
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Go to an all guys gym
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Have sex with Snooki
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Be a World Cup ref
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Be Joel Zumaya’s elbow (see clip from last night’s game)
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Go on a road trip with Rick Reilly
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Sit on a vuvuzela
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Discuss whether or not Brett Favre will return to the NFL
Yep…anyone of those will be a step up from the mindless chatter of the “coverage” of the NBA free agents…
