Ohio Prosecutor Seeking the Death Penalty for Punxsutawney Phil

You read that correctly.  I’m sure the next question in your mind is “Florida or Ohio?” because all of the craziest shit happens in those two destinations. 

Well it is true, Ohio prosecutor Michael Gmoser is seeking the dealth penalty for the furry forecaster because of his inaccurate forecasting.  You will remember that back in February, Punxsutawney Phil predicted that we would be getting an early Spring this year, but here in northeast Ohio it is still frigid cold and snowing.

Let’s face it, Punxsutawney Phil has let us down,” Gmoser said, tongue firmly in cheek, after filing the necessary court documents. “I awoke this morning to a snowstorm, low temperatures and howling wind.

Seems like a legit excuse to kill the groundhog who claimed Spring was coming early.  Then again, if Gmoser takes one step back and realizes he’s blaming an animal for current weather patterns maybe he will see he is an absolute nut job.

Gmoser might have a little more trouble than he expected when going after Phil.  According to Jeffrey Lundy, VP of the Punxsutawney Ground Hog Club (which is a real thing), he is going to have one hell of a fight on his hands.

He’s going to have to go through 15 licensed hunters to get to Phil,” said Lundy, referring to members of the club’s inner circle.“We’ll find out how good of a prosecutor [Gmoser] is. If he doesn’t know how to speak groundhog-ese, he’ll never understand a word Phil says.

Annnd there we go.  I am going to go out on a limb and say that these two are both certifiably insane.  Just a thought.

For the sake of fun and because it’s Friday, lets assume there will be a tag team match between Gmoser and Lundy.  There partners would be Phil Connors and Ned Ryerson, respectively. Who wins?

 phil and ned

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