Matt Millen Calls Ohio State Game, Fans Ears Instantly Bleed

matt-millenThis weekend, the Buckeye faithful were treated to none other than Matt Millen calling the Buckeyes/Hawkeyes game.  Half way through the first quarter I wanted to mute it, but I decided that I would be able to will myself to get through his incoherent ramblings.  At one point we were treated to this gem, “Boren looking for an identity as a receiver, I suppose. ‘The Boren Identity.'”  The final straw was towards the end of the game when Dane Sanzenbacher went up and made a tremendouse catch and came down with one foot in bounds.  Of course Millen right away, while watching a replay, claimed he did not have a foot down and did not have control of the ball.  If someone has the video of this, please send it our way as me explaining it doesn’t do it justice.

Since Millen made our ears bleed on Saturday, we started talking about things we would rather do than listen to Matt Millen call a game.  Here’s what we came up with.  Please add to the list…

Have Barack Obama call the game, with his teleprompters

Eat Lady Gaga’s meat dress

Have Dennis Miller back in the booth

Sleep with Amy Whinehouse

Have Antoine Dodson call the game

Get choked out by Rampage Evans

Have my cell phone explode while having it pressed against my ear

Try to tackle Peyton Hillis

Put my tongue in an electrical outlet

Watch a Katherine Heigl movie

Listen to Richard Simmons read the Iliad

Look at Brett Favre’s text messages

Dance with Bristol Palin

Quit watching porn

Watch the Nebraska vs. Texas A&M game on repeat

Play on Michigan’s secondary

Be involved in a helmet to helmet hit with James Harrison…without the helmet

Go Christmas shopping

Cheer for the Heat

Get searched by TSA

Get trapped in a mine

Buy WNBA season tickets

Watch Lopez Tonight

Take an “Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle” and shoot my own eye out

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