24 things I'd rather do than hear more about Dwight Howard

Dwight Howard has done something I never thought possible.  He has jumped in front of both #1A and #1B on my hate list.  It now reads:

1.) Dwight Howard
2A.) Steven A. Smith
2B.) Jared from Subway

There are about 84 other items on said list, but I will save those for another time.  Dwight Howard has been nothing but annoying this entire off season.  Looking at him makes me want to beat a bunny rabbit to death with a puppy.  He infuriates me. He is annoying. He is a cry baby bitch.**


Below is a list of things we came up with that we would most assuredly rather do than hear any more about this doofus.  These are in no particular order…

  • Listen to Paris Hilton DJ
  • Drive to work on roads made of railroad tracks
  • Watch a movie with Fred Willard
  • Be Jerry Sandusky’s cell mate
  • Date Kristen Stewart
  • Be a sibling of Michael Jackson
  • Eat Chick Fil A at a Gay Pride Rally
  • Let Lindsay Lohan be my designated driver
  • Have coitus with Lady Gaga…if that is even possible
  • Watch Octomom strip
  • Have Suzyn Waldman read me the phone book
  • Listen to wiper blades going full blast, when it’s not raining
  • Listen to Penn State football fans compare the sanctions handed down to the events of 9/11
  • Listen to Nickelback’s greatest hits on repeat… Forever
  • Have a blender full of nuts and bolts and a child screaming as my ringer for texts and calls
  • Watch Al Pacino act in any movie from the past decade
  • Give John Travolta a back rub
  • Keep up with the Kardashians
  • Listen to another statement from the Paterno family
  • Read 50 Shades of Grey to my grandma
  • Eat only green Mike n Ikes…For life.
  • Be a football commit for Penn State
  • Replace George Zimmerman on the neighborhood watch

**That goes for ESPN as well and their tireless, lazy, hack reporting on the subject matter

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