Charlie Sheen is not bi-polar, he's 'bi-winning'

sheen-interviewThis morning on my way out the door, I caught the opening of an interview Charlie Sheen was doing with Good Morning America. I was furious that I had to go to work and miss the show. So I hit the record button and headed out. When I got to work, I decided to see if they had the video up on the website. Cha-ching. To my surprise, GMA wasn’t the only show with Sheen spilling his guts. The Today Show had an entertaining interview as well.

During the GMA interview, Charlie told Andrea Canning that he planned on suing CBS and that he is a man of his word and will finish this season with Two and Half Men and even continue on…but at $3 million and episode. At the end of the Today Show interview, when asked if the studio and CBS owed him an apology, he said “Yes, publicly, while licking my feet.”. During that same interview, they ask him what he would say to Chuck Lorre if he were watching. Sheen responds by pulling out note cards and asking Chuck questions he had prepared. Both interviews were wildly entertaining and I look forward to the interview tomorrow night at 10 pm on ABC. Below are some great quotes from Charlie Sheen from both interviews. You will be wondering while reading if he is still on the booger sugar, but after the Today Show interview, he submitted to a urine drug test that came back negative.

Andrea said that his radio rants were causing people to think that he was on drugs again. Well, as it turns out, he is on a drug.

“I am on a drug, it’s called ‘Charlie Sheen’. It’s not available because if you try it once you will die, your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body…too much?”

She also asked Charlie if he planned on suing because of the way the show ended.

“Wouldn’t you? I don’t have a job. I got a whole family to support and love. And people beyond myself, people a lot more important than me, are relying on that money to fuel the magic.”

How much will he sue for?

“Tons. They’re going to actually put it on a scale. A little more, a little more, add some gold, add some gold. Bingo! I’m here to collect. And they’re going to lose.”

“You borrow my brain for 5 seconds and you’d just be like ‘dude can’t handle it! Unplug this bastard!’ Because it fires in a way that is, um, I don’t know, maybe not from this particular terestrial realm.”

Thoughts on the fact that people think he is Bi-Polar:

“Wow, what does that mean? And then what? What’s the cure? Medicine? Make me like them? Not gonna happen. I’m bi-winning, I win here and I win there. Now what?”

When asked if he has had anyone reach out to him:

“Oh ya, radical people like Sean Penn and Mel Gibson and Colin Ferral and just radical people and their not telling me what to do. They didn’t give me any advice, and within that there is great advice. It was just love. Just to see, often times it says unknown, but occasionally a giant marquee name comes through on your caller ID and it’s like ‘winning!'”

When asked the last time that he “used”, obviously in regard to his drug use:

“I use a blender, I use a vaccum cleaner, I use, ya know, household items. When was the last time that I ingested or took drugs? ‘Used’ is such an AA stupid expression, or term but I don’t remember. I do not remember. Maybe a month ago, 6 weeks ago? I don’t know. I don’t know, it was a couple days before the suits rolled in and said ‘Change it, change everything, we’re shutting you down.'”

Charlie was then asked about the last time he used drugs:

“The last time I used drugs, um, I probably took more than anyone could survive. I don’t know man, I was banging 7 gram rocks and finishing them because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear, Go!”

Then he was asked if he was worried about dying from taking drugs:

“Dying’s for fools. There are certain blends that I will not entertain because that’s how people go down and I’m too smart to do that. I’m sorry for the guys that happened to, ya know, but you should have read the directions before you showed up to the party.”

After Charlie told the interviewer that his life was perfect sober and he wouldn’t be relapsing, she said “but you love to party” which gave us this gem from Sheen:

“What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, man it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them just look like, ya know, droopy eyed armless children.”

During another interview with the Today Show, they asked Charlie if he had any questions for Chuck Lorre, the co-creator of Two and Half Men and the man that Sheen has been fueding with since last week. Sheen was happy to answer the question and pulled out note cards that he had hand written with questions for Lorre.

“Chuck, number 1: Why is it when I was ready to return to work you told me ‘there are no scripts ready to shoot’? So that obviously begs the second part of the question, ‘what would we have shot had you not ordered the suits into my home to shut down my party?”

Sheen is basically insuinating that Lorre had no scripts ready to shoot when he shut down production. So really, there was no work to be done and they were blaming Sheen’s antics for the delay of the show.

“Number 2: Why is it that you issued a decree informing me that the remaining 8 shows of season 8 had been reduced down to 4, stating as well that season 8–our highest rated season to date, most shows are in a decline by then and headed towards Will and Grace-ville– was suddenly to halt production two weeks earlier than scheduled?”

Sheen reminds the audience at home and Lorre himself that he is the only one who can answer these questions.

“Number 3: When you were told that the crew would suffer gravely as a result of your dictatorial laziness, would please explain what you meant by your statement ‘they are not my problem’?”

Later in the interview, Charlie Sheen pulled out the Alcoholics Anonymous hand book and read an excerpt to Lorre. The excerpt talked of accepting the people who make you angry. Charlie finished the excerpt, threw the book on the couch and looked in the camera and said “Accept me, Chuck.”

If I am Chuck Lorre, I am absolutely livid right now. Charlie Sheen did a fantastic job of painting him as an arrogant piece of shit. Whether or not Sheen has enough credibility to be taken seriously on the matter is still up for debate.

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