2010 Cleveland Indians vs. Major League

majorleagueposter

 

After watching the debacle that is the Indians bullpen on Monday afternoon I came to the realization that this year’s team is much more closely related to the Major League movies than teams from previous years.  In their most recent series, the Indians were able to get out of the Bronx with 1 win to avoid the sweep and it was an amazing one of a kind comeback victory at 13-11.  Even though there are bright spots on the roster and they have shown potential in some games, you can’t help but feel that there is a force that just wants the Tribe to lose.  It feels like the odds are stacked against them before the games even start, even when they are playing the Royals.  Since this year’s team so much reminds us of the Major League and Major League 2 movies, we thought we would compare the players from each of the teams…



westbrookvaughn 

Jake Westbrook vs. Rick Vaughn – Both showed a lot of potential with Vaughn helping to win the pennant and Westbrook throwing a complete game, but they have fallen off.  Vaughn ended up getting relegated to the bullpen and I wouldn’t be surprised if Westbrook followed suit.

taylorredmond 

Mike Redmond vs. Jake Taylor – Both of these guys are the veteran leaders of the teams.  Both are called upon to calm their pitchers in tough situations.  If Carlos Santana gets the call up, look to Redmond to help him out just like Taylor helped out Rube Baker.

chootanaka 

Shin Soo Choo vs. Hiroshi “Kamikaze” Tanaka – Tanaka of Tokyo and Choo of South Korea play similar offense with the exception of Choo not knocking himself out or making bare handed catches in the outfield.  I will give the nod to Tanaka on the being the better fielder (remember when he got up on the wall to rob that homerun?) but I will say that Choo is a much better hitter.

woodharris 

Kerry Wood vs. Ed Harris – Both are veteran pitchers on the team although Eddie Harris is still a starter.  Also, they both need Crisco, Bardol and Vagisil to get any movement on their breaking balls.

branyanpedro 

Russell Branyan vs. Pedro Cerrano – Although they don’t play the same position their plate appearances seem to mimic each other.  Both hit the straight ball very much.  It’s the breaking ball they can’t touch.  Bats are afraid.  Perhaps we should get Branyan a head cover for his bat?

marsonbaker 

Lou Marson vs. Rube Baker – These two are polar opposites really, Baker can hit but can’t throw, Marson can throw but can’t hit.  Marson has thrown out 13 base stealers this season, which is good for second place while it is a chore for Baker to get the ball back to the pitcher.  Marson got his batting average up to .216 but at one point this season was batting .085.

parkmanhafner 

Travis Hafner vs. Jack Parkman – Both of these guys have a love hate relationship with Cleveland.  Hafner felt the love when he was crushing the ball but has since received some attitude.  Perhaps it’s because ever since he signed a big contract he has been hitting like Marson.  Parkman on the other hand never stopped hitting the ball he just became too expensive to keep.  Think Cliff Lee and C.C. Sabathia.  Either way, both their shimmy’s make the women in Cleveland puke.

sizemorehayes 

Grady Sizemore vs. Willie Mays Hayes – These are two great centerfielders and could have been all stars if it weren’t for injury.  Injuries have plagued Sizemore for the last two seasons.  Most recently he is having surgery on his knee that will put him out for 6 weeks.  Hayes also had a nagging knee injury that forced him to walk with a limp, but his was from his own stunts in Black Hammer/White Lightning where he starred opposite Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

dornvalbuena 

Luis Valbuena vs. Roger Dorn – These guys are more similar that we thought at first glance.  Both players are infielders with Dorn playing the hot corner and Valbuena playing both short stop and second base.   Dorn was famous for tanking ground balls because he didn’t want to take one off the face.  I don’t know what Valbuena’s excuse is with 5 errors this season so far.  Also, Dorn was famously held out of games in Major League 2 with his only at bat coming because Taylor wanted him to lean into one to get a base runner.  It seems the only value Valbuena might have at the plate would also be getting hit by a pitch, he is currently hitting .134.

dolanphelps 

Larry Dolan vs. Rachel Phelps – It would seem that both of these owners have the same agenda but I find it hard to believe that Larry Dolan is trying to relocate the team to Florida.  They both hate to spend money on the team and seem fine with losing most of their games.  I wouldn’t be surprised to go into the clubhouse of Progressive Field and find a Evanrude Motor hooked up in a tub for a whirlpool.

 

shitty

 

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