It’s that time of year again. The MLB All-Star break is upon us which means there is literally nothing to do this week but watch meaningless baseball and work. You can’t even play around with your fantasy baseball team this week.
But there is one more thing to do. Drink.
The 2013 edition of the Thunder Treats Home Run Derby Drinking Game pulls many rules from years prior, but like always we kicked it up a notch. I would encourage everyone to do this in a group. You shouldn’t do this by yourself but if that’s what you choose, we aren’t going to stop you**. Be careful and if anyone actually attempts this, please send us pictures @ThunderTreats or @DiNunz!
- If a homerun hits the foul pole, anyone with any type of visible yellow on themselves will kill there beer. Acceptable items: phone case, watch, hat, Livestrong Band etc.
- Drink 1 second for every “back” Chris Berman uses when calling a home run. “Back-back-back-back-back-gone!” = 5 seconds.
- If they show John Kruk back in the day with a mullet, the person with the longest hair, male or female, will give 10 seconds.
- If they show John Kruk eating, the biggest person will drink 10 seconds and then have to retrieve a snack from the kitchen for each person playing.
- If a player hits a ground ball in the infield, everyone does a waterfall. The order of the waterfall is alphabetical by name with A starting and Z ending.
- Drink 34 seconds every time they refer to Bryce Harper as a “Phenom”
- Each time they mention Robinson Cano signing with Jay-Z or his new deal with Pepsi you must all yell “HOVA” and have a 10 second social drink.
- During Pedro Alvarez’s at bat, if they mention the possibility of the Pirates having another collapse and missing the playoffs, the last person to yell “Arrrrr” like a pirate will drink 20 seconds (20 years since last playoff appearance). Also, for the remainder of Alvarez’s at-bat they will be beer bitch and have to walk on one leg like a pirate.
- Anytime Prince Fielder swings so hard he loses his balance or stumbles out of the box, everyone must pull their shirts up over their belly, stand on one leg and drink for 5 seconds.
- Shotgun a beer if anyone finishes with ZERO home runs. Double barrel shotgun if Robinson Cano goes back to back years with ZERO.
- Anytime Yoenis Cespedes hits a home run, the first person to spell his last name aloud, correctly, can give 5 seconds.
- If PEDs or John Rocker are mentioned while Chris Davis is hitting, take 5 seconds. If they mention how he might mess up his swing for the second half, take 10 seconds.
- After a batter is finished and the ball boy runs up to him with a Gatorade/Powerade, all women must drink if the color of the drink is red, Orange, or pink. All men must drink if the color is blue, purple, green. But if the drink is the light purple Riptide Rush, for Gatorade or the White Cherry flavor for Powerade, all must drink because those two flavors are too good not to have every one drink.
- If a kid in the outfield drops a pop up, determine the age of said kid (roughly of course) and have a social drink for that amount of seconds.
- If you are wearing any piece of MLB gear that matches the winners team (i.e. you’re wearing a Tigers hat and Chubbs Fielder wins), you get to watch everyone kill their beers.
- If Chris Berman is talking and almost runs out of breath near the end of his sentence, the largest person watching the Derby must drink 5 seconds and do 5 pushups. Seconds and pushups go up by 5 for every instance after that.
- After every batter, everyone drinks the number of seconds equal to the number of home runs hit (10 homers, 10 seconds)
- When a players kid is shown, the first person to yell “spawn” gets to give 10 seconds out.
- If a player is shown with a video camera, a round of “categories” will be played. Topics must include baseball (Baseball movies, all stars, players at certain positions). The loser will drink 10 seconds.
- If a ball is hit foul, all people wearing sandals must drink 5 seconds. 10 seconds if they are also wearing socks.
- Drink 24 seconds if the batter come to the plate wearing his hat backwards a la Ken Griffey Jr
- If one of the kids catching balls in the outfield takes on off the head or chest, pour one out for the little one then kill your beer.
- Anytime you see a fan holding a sign that says something like “Hit it Here” or has a bulls eye on it, the first person to yell “Bulls eye” gets to give 10 seconds.
- Anytime you see a grown ass man with a glove on, social drink for 10 seconds. We need to unite and show that not all men are douche bags like the one shown.
- In the event Stuart Scott is calling/covering the game, every time he says something stupid or corny you must drink 5 seconds with one hand covering your pretend lazy eye
- If any home run hits the big apple in the outfield, kill your beer. The last person to finish has to then place their can on their head and allow all other players to throw their empty can at them in attempt to shoot the apple off their head. If you are drinking bottled beer, we will allow that part to be skipped, but we don’t totally discourage it.
- Pour your beer over your head if any batter actually swings and misses
**Get help. Like now.