This weekend, in San Diego, we had our second ever Wiffle Ball Homerun Derby Challenge. This was the first time we had used official Wiffle Ball equipment, so we were all a little anxious. Things started out normal that day. Snake told everyone how they would bow to him and he was the greatest thing since seeing himself on game film during high school football. Donk and I both laid claim that we would walk away victorious but our trash talking never quite reached the status of Snakes. Then again, not many peoples can. Glista was his usually hippie self and didn’t say much, he just wanted to play. Then there is Loeffler, the hard hitter from Missouri who often thinks of himself in highest capacity, so we knew he expected to win and he thought of this as a man playing with boys. Things would prove not that easy at all…
After taking some batting practice that looked more like blind folded children swinging at a piñata, we decided to get the game under way. Up first was Don, who knocked out 2 homeruns and set the bar for the game. I came up next and also hit 2 homeruns. Loeffler added 1 and Donk and Snake rounded out the first round with goose eggs. Don and I advanced to the finals where I subsequently won it because Snake dropped a homerun that should have been an out. Thanks again Snake. The next game, I joined Snake and Donk as they continued their downward spiral by putting up 2 more goose eggs. I feel my bad performance in game 2 was a direct result of being a little too awesome in game 1. It happens. Don once again found himself in the finals, but like a postman on Sunday, he was unable to deliver. Loeffler ended up winning game 2 with a towering shot over the head of the Donk.
Now there were 2 players that put up goose eggs and most would consider that a sorry performance. I would agree with most. But I have to say that Donk was a step ahead of Snake because of the way he played in the field. Donk had soft hands/hooves and made a bunch clutch plays. One of which he jumped and robbed me of a homerun. I would say that Donk gets the Golden Glove award for his performance. Since we weren’t using gloves and Donk has no hands, we will be giving him the Golden Hoof award. Way to go Donk!
Snake, on the other hand/hoof, played so terrible that it is going to be hard to explain. First of all, I was the pitcher and he did not hit 1 ball past me the entire two games. All he could do was look at me and say “what is happening?” in a soft, sad whisper of a voice. It was like he had never heard of baseball and never seen anyone swing a bat. His swing was so terrible that I am willing to bet he could not have done better with a tennis racket. When he went to swing, his back foot stepped backwards, his front foot inwards and he swung and pulled his head so far around I thought it was going to spin the like in The Exorcist. After 2 games, we decided to call it a day. I guess we will have to wait until the trip in May to see what happens when Leofler and I go head to head. Snake, do us all a favor and go the batting cages because your lack of skills is MAKING ME SICK!